Basic tips to handle ‘being taken for granted’.

A public holiday on a monday is definitely bliss….Isn’t it?

Here’s wishing all my muslims readers a Happy Eid el Fitr. Even though I’m not a Muslim, I get to enjoy the day off work today.

Yesterday, I watched an episode of Judge Judy that re-confirmed there are people who can be so ungrateful regardless of how nice you are to them.

So, a mother of 4 was sent to jail and needed to be bailed. She asked her oldest daughter to call a cousin to help sort her bail. However, the daughter mistakenly called an acquaintance of her mum who bears the same name as the supposed cousin. The kind acquaintance took pity and sourced the bail money without asking too many questions.

The problem however started when the acquaintance asked to be paid the money she spent on bail a month later after she was released. This mother of four outrightly said she did not seek her assistance and refused to pay.

Her reaction in court shocked a lot of people including me. 

How can one suddenly think it’s okay to bite the hand that feeds him/her?

It would naturally hurt if a kind gesture is not appreciated or well like in some cases borrowed money is not paid back. It will even hurt more is the person you helped is indifferent about your gesture.

This is when you most likely begin to feel a lot of emotion like your initial reaction would be Anger, Regret. You start to wonder why you even helped in the first place.

The truth is, there will be a lot of times when people will take your kindness for granted. You may not eventually end up in a court room to solve the case but it is important you have some basic tips that can help in handling such situations.

• KNOW YOUR RIGHT/ WHAT YOU ARE WORTH.

The easiest way to get cheated and taken for granted is not knowing your right and what you deserve.

Think about how you feel and why you feel the way you do. Think about likely reasons why the other party is not being appreciative of your kind gestures.

• LET THE PERSON KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

I always advocate for speaking out. Always find a way to relate your thoughts to anyone who you feel is being ungrateful. 

Remember you are not talking about your feelings because you want an apology (its great if you get one) but because it’s healthy for your well-being.

While doing this, be mindful of you tone of voice and choice of words. Proffer solutions if you have any.

• ALWAYS REMEMBER IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO.

You know how they say once beaten, twice shy?

Do not expect an ungrateful person to change unexpectedly. Fine, you like to help people and you are kind but be sure you do not fill up your plate with what you cannot handle.

As much as you like to consider other people’s feelings, do not hurt yourself in the process. Learn to look out for your interest as well.

• SELF RESPECT

This is the part where you work on yourself and your availability. Always know when to draw the line, ensure you are not an easy target.

Be assertive when you talk, always discuss terms clearly. If you need to draw up an agreement, do so. The whole idea is to protect yourself.

It is important to know the terms in which you do favours. If you know you are helping out without expecting anything in return, you will feel less hurt if your gesture is not appreciated.

In all, do not stop helping people, do it for the right reasons, be mindful and be sure to manage your expectations.

NB: While writing this, I realised it will be a different ballgame if one is handling being taken for granted in a commited relationship. Haha…I do not see anyone asking their partner to sign an agreement before helping in a situation. I guess it’s safe to say that’s a ‘new post idea’ to work on.

Share your thoughts Lovelies

Have you

 felt taken for granted before?

How do you handle situations where you get taken for granted?

I’ll love to read from you

Love, Peace and Cupcakes

Phaytea😚😚😚