No: A dreadful word?

​​​​​​​​​​​​Phaytea’s Pulse is participating in the #AtoZChallenge for 2017. The Theme is ‘Awakening of Self’ and ‘No: A dreadful word?’ is our entry for letter N. The theme focuses on character traits that will gear us towards Meaningful Living and will run for 26 days in April except sundays. Please stop by the blog everyday for subsequent posts as we read the 26 letters of the alphabet together. Enjoy!!☺☺

I am aware that ‘No’ is usually associated with disappointment and other dreadful words, but how bad can it be though?

The last time I was really scared of getting a ‘No’ response was in 2012. 

In Nigeria, every ‘fresh’ graduate is required to ‘serve’ the nation for a year before fully joining the labour market. 

Basically, you work and get paid by the government and the company you get deployed to. I got posted to a company that was quite far from where I live, that was a problem but the main problem was actually getting accepted by the company.

Everyone at that point prayed not to get a Rejection Letter because that meant having to get a new place of primary assignment which takes quite a while to conclude the process.

Guess what? I did get a rejection letter because they had considered the distance as well.

You know what that did for me? I got the opportunity to work with another company and after completing the required one year service, I got retained at work. (Of course, that came with a lot of process too but excludes the stress of jumping jobs and having to use understand a new environment).

Is it really true that when one door closes, another door opens?

Hearing No

Nobody looks forward to getting  a ‘No’ as response for a request.

It can be very heartbreaking especially when you have no guidance or direction.

If you eventually get a ‘no’, do not give up. Have faith and give yourself a second chance. It just might be an opportunity to find better options.

To handle this better, i recommend you read about Moving On and Managing Expectations as the steps listed in both articles will help.

No

Saying No

If you are anything like my mum, then you must find it extremely difficult to say No.

My mum would rather compromise or make sacrifices to ensure someone else is doing well.

That is a commendable quality and I love love her for that. But that is also why I try to jump in a few times to make sure her kindness is not being taken for granted.

I truly think that while being kind, it is sometimes important to be kind to yourself as well.

We should not say yes to things that are obviously not comfortable for us. This will end up getting you stressed.

Try saying yes to ‘Everything’ and see how overwhelming that can get.

Learn to draw the line and be decisive.

The emotional blackmail will always be present, so ensure that you are tactful when you have to reject an offer or say no.

Remember that being mindful is important so turn down offers politely and give genuine reasons why you have to say no.

Keyword: Mindfulness

Please share your thoughts

Do you find it difficult to say No?

Do you end up getting a full plate of ‘Yes’s’?

How do you know when to draw the line?

I’ll love to read from you.

Love, Peace and Cupcakes

Phaytea😚😚😚

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33 Comments Add yours

  1. I had a hard time saying no before . I now however find it easy to say no without having to give explanations. Expecting a no is not easy for anyone. The key is to keep my expectations low it helps deal with the no’s .

    Michelle Langi.

    http://www.lifestyle360.co.ke

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Michelle..it’s good you know when to draw the line….Thanks for reading

      Like

  2. Sofia says:

    I don’t find it hard to say no. Sometimes is necessary. Either it’s with my daughter because I want to teach her values and I want her to understand that things don’t fall from the sky but also sometimes I don’t want to do something nor I feel I should just to please someone.
    Fair play to your Mum though 🙂 we are all different 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Sofia, that’s a good lesson to instill in her…thank you for reading ☺

      Like

  3. flairmodish says:

    I find it hard to say no but no isn’t a dreadful word. Majorly, its the thoughts that really matter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi hi…I agree with you…thank you for sharing your thoughts☺☺

      Like

  4. sjheartss says:

    Yea.. I do find it hard to say no. People pleaser mentality I guess. But I see it’s better to say no for you own sake and to avoid lying/breaking promise. 🤷🏼‍♀️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s good to help when you can but not when it’s uncomfortable or compromises your values…Thank you for sharing your thoughts☺

      Like

  5. Surely needs guts to say No especially when you have to say to your close friend or relative.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know right…it can be really difficult

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Vijee Djega says:

    Your mom sounds like my mom 🙂 Yep my mom also should have learnt to say no a long time back, but it is what it is 🙂 But seeing her, i think I did learn to do this correctly. It is not always easy but it sure saves us heartache, anger, remorse or regret later on.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s true Vijee..I learnt to do it right from her too…Thank you for sharing your thoughts☺☺

      Like

  7. Jasmin N says:

    Saying no is one of the most important skills in life. It’s not always easy to say no & you always shouldn’t, but then again its great skill to have.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi hi….I agree..its not easy to say no but its important to know when to draw the line…Thank you for reading Jasmin….☺☺

      Like

  8. My mum always said no to me. It didn’t matter what the request was, her first response was always NO. This has turned me into a some what negative person and I find myself saying NO to my husband a lot!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awww..but I’m sure you won’t want to hurt his feelings…please try to be mindful when you have to say no…hugsss

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I know I know!! I’m more aware of it now and I’m more aware of the negative power of that word. Thanks for sharing your blog 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That’s good to hear…Thank youuuuu☺

        Like

  9. Arunas says:

    Yes or no is a choice. Your choice. Every day, every hour, every minute.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yep yep…definitely

      Like

  10. Kari says:

    Faith in God is at the core of my value system. I too have learned that “no” isn’t so bad. In fact, the times I’ve heard that, something better has come along. “When God closes a door, He opens a window”.

    Like

    1. Hi Kari…you are right…New opportunities always present itself. Thank you for reading 🙂 🙂

      Like

  11. Essere Moda says:

    I find it sometime difficult to say no, because I don’t want to hurt somebody’s feeling. But I’m learning it. I’m aware that I can’t say YES all the time. Great post ❤ – https://esseremoda.nl/2-ways-style-colour-blue-stripes/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. hi hi…you have a kind heart and that is lovely…. just be sure to draw the line when it becomes a real burden. Thank you for reading Essere 🙂 🙂

      Like

  12. I don’t find it difficult to say no to certain things – meeting with certain people, doing a “favour” for someone who will never return it or thank you for it, etc. It’s different with people you love, obviously. 🙂

    Like

    1. Hi Kinga, you are right. there will always be people who really appreciate your kindness and will not take you for granted. Thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙂

      Like

  13. Rolene says:

    It is very difficult for me to say no to something. I started to say no when I have to, but then I want to give so many excuses. My father once said I don’t have to explain myself to everyone, I am still learning. Thank you for this great post.

    Like

    1. hi hi….i can imagine..its good you are working on it..Thank you for contributing Rolene 🙂 🙂

      Like

  14. Being an only child, no is not a word I like. But I do like your explanation and genuine feedback on how it can be a really good thing in the end. Thank you for the reminder, I recently had to say no to something, but didn’t explain genuinely why. So now I am going to fix that.

    Like

    1. awww…i can totally relate with your thoughts…its important to be mindful when saying no.Thank you for reading and contributing 🙂 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. arv! says:

    That’s something new I have learnt about Nigeria! Is it really fun to work with Govt?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi hi..it’s actually just a scheme set up for students who just graduated from the university. It lasts for only one year and the ‘fun’ part depends on which company you are sent to. Thank you for reading Arv☺☺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. arv! says:

        Ah!I got it. Cool

        Like

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