Acceptance (Love yourself, Flaws and All).

Phaytea’s Pulse is participating in the #AtoZChallenge for 2017. The Theme is ‘Awakening of Self’ and ‘Acceptance’ is our entry for letter A. The theme focuses on character traits that will gear us towards Meaningful Living and will run for 26 days in April except sundays. Please stop by the blog everyday for subsequent posts as we read the 26 letters of the alphabet together. Enjoy!!☺☺

At one point or the other in our life, we have sort for some kind of validation from friends, our partner, colleagues, parents and even social groups. 

We have thought for a tiny second- Am i good enough for the job?, Will my acne deter my dream of becoming a face model?, Will I feel out of place if I dress this way to the event?, No one complimented my dress today, does that mean it isn’t nice?. We like to feel accepted by the people we admire or look up to and this is normal to an extent. 

Seeking validation tends to boost our ego in some type of way and we sometimes unconsciously set other people’s opinion as a standard while measuring our progress.

The only problem with this method of measurement is – We will not always get the validation we need. We will not always hear what we want, the people we seek validation from might not think of us as ‘good enough’. Sad right? But it happens.

Our reaction to statements in the line of ‘No new friends’ or ‘You can’t sit with us’ can either make or mar the plans we have set aside to find our purpose and reach our goal. I will explain how.

When we make it a habit to seek validation from others before making personal decisions, it affects our goal to live a Meaningful Life and takes us two steps backwards. For instance, Do you feel insecure when you are rejected?

The way we handle rejection goes a long way to determine if we will move forward or if we will remain stagnant and this where Acceptance comes into play. Not just Acceptance from others, but ‘Acceptance of Self’.

Acceptance of Self is the ability to ‘soak it all in’, embracing everything about yourself (negative and positive) in order to forge ahead and retain happiness. 

For the purpose of living a meaningful life and reaching our goal, we will focus on: 

  1. Reasons why we do not accept ourself.
  2. Adverse effects of not accepting ourself.
  3. How we can eventually practice self acceptance.

Acceptance

    1. Why do we find it difficult to accept ourself?

        Life hands us a reality where there will always be cases of bullying, social class issues and the need for validation from others. This is why we sometimes get involved in actions that compromise our values and goals. We shift from being ourselves to being what society thinks is a standard. 

        When the need to be accepted by others becomes greater than the need to pursue our goals, it means we are gradually steering away from living a Meaningful Life.

        Here are some reasons why we may find it difficult to accept ourself:

        • Being criticised or bullied: Issues like this date back to childhood. When you grow up in an environment that encourages bullying, it affects your mindset about yourself. This is worse for kids who are not being monitored. They turn out to become aggressive or insecure.
        • Lack of confidence: When we do not believe in ourself it is difficult to exude confidence no matter how much we try.
        • Trapped traumatic memories: When a traumatic experience is trapped in our memory, we tend to dwell on it and blame ourself.
        • The need to feel loved: We all need some form of attention and when there is no human figure to fill the space, it could make us think less of ourselves. 
        • The need for Validation/Commendable Remarks: Like I mentioned earlier, there is a level of validation that can be accepted. When we do a good job, we like to be appreciated and if this doesn’t happen, we tend to question our processes.
        • Desire to be part of a group or social class.
        • Strong desire to be someone else.

        These are just a few reasons and you will be surprised how these things slows down our pace while trying to live a Meaningful life. It gradually steals our voice and we lose direction.

              2.  Adverse effects of not accepting ourself.

        Not embracing ourselves in ALL totality effects every step we take towards achieving our goals. It also affects our ability to remain focused because there is no emotional stability to give us the balance we need. The following are some of the negative effects of not practising self acceptance:

        • Unstable emotions: You are hot this minute and the next you are cold as ice. You allow other people determine when you should be happy.
        • Low self esteem: You just always feel you are not good enough.
        • Back bencher: You always want to take the back seat and allow others do the work.
        • Locked up ideas: Loosing your voice and not being able to speak up even when you have great ideas.
        • Depression: This is actually an extreme cases that is taken lightly. There have been cases were people get depressed because of the way they get treated or spoken to.
        • People pleasing: This is a dicey one because you may or may not know when you cross the line. When you haven’t learnt to embrace yourself, you tend to ‘kiss ass’ (pardon my french) so that you can be accepted. Not good at all.
        • You question your faith: Once it gets to the stage where you start to ask your creator why he made you a certain way, that’s the lowest level of esteem issues. We are all beautifully created and that should be our mantra.
        • You get your friends and family worried: Our friends and loved ones will start to worry because of our insecurity.

        The impact of these adverse effects definitely gives off a lot of bad vibes and creates a barrier that hinder us from  finding our purpose.

               3.  How to practice Self Acceptance

        To practice Self Acceptance we must realize that we have the power to be in control of our actions. Here are some things we can do to meet this course:

        • Be in control of your actions: Be responsible for the decisions you make. Do things because you are ready to do them and not because the society thinks it is time.
        • Love yourself: Accept your flaws too.
        • Learn to forgive: Forgive yourself and the mistakes you have made, forgive those who spoke badly to you.
        • Find closure: Confront your fears, accept past occurrences, choose the lessons, allow the transition process and finally move into a new space. You cannot move forward if you continue to dwell on the past.
        • Speak positively: Be practical if you have. Look into the mirror and appreciate the beauty that you are.
        • Find resources that boost your confidence level: Read books, listen to interviews, talk to a counsellor etc
        • Think about your best qualities: Dwell on the skills that you handle well.
        • Manage your expectations: This is important so that you do not get to excited and then disappointed.
        • Develop yourself: Make the necessary changes that will help you grow and be better.
        • Give yourself a treat: Do things that will make you really happy.
        • Avoid Negativity: Stay away from jealousy and being judgemental.
        • Be your biggest critic as well as your biggest fan: Learn to criticise yourself when you do something wrong and pat yourself on the back when you do well.

        Learning to accept ourself is a conscious and continuous process. When we are comfortable with our own skin and with our choices, it is easier to overcome any setback that poses as a threat while trying to live a Meaningful Life. 

        Completely accepting ourselves mean our voices matter, we will speak to be heard and understood, people’s opinions will be a means to develop ourselves rather than a means to validate ourselves. If it is just one thing, Acceptance of Self gives us confidence and that is something we need when trying to find our purpose.

        Have you had experiences with insecurity or rejection?

        How did you eventually learn to accept yourself?

        If you have enjoyed reading this, do share your opinion in the comment section and be sure to check in tomorrow for the second entry. 

        I’ll love to converse with you.

        Love, Peace and Cupcakes

        Phaytea😚😚😚

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        61 Comments Add yours

        1. Wow! Amazing theme. 😊

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you sheetal☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

            1. You are welcome.😊

              Liked by 1 person

        2. Ramya says:

          Its lovely to read your comprehensive take on accpetance. Yes there’s are more poative effects of accepting oneself and others.

          Thanks for dropping in.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thanks for reading Ramya. ☺☺☺

            Like

        3. Jo (Fallen Angel) says:

          Great post! I definitely think that acceptance comes from within. If we’re always looking outside ourselves for validation then we’ll keep being disappointed. We need to try and fundamentally be accepting of ourselves; then, whatever is going on in the outside world will not shake our self-acceptance 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

          1. You couldn’t have said it any better Jo! Acceptance really comes from within….. If we don’t love ourselves, we will keep depending on others for some kind of validation. Thank you for contributing 😊😊

            Like

        4. Finding closure is a big one for me! Thanks for the reminder. Great post x

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you for reading Shirley…I’m glad you can relate..☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

        5. leannelc says:

          So much information here and all so true. I just wish I’d known all this stuff years ago (my life would have been a lot easier) it took my until I was 50 to learn some self-acceptance and build some self esteem. Leanne | cresting the hill

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Awww….sending hugs….it’s great that you have it now so nothing is lost…let’s make the most of it. Thank you for reading Leannelc ☺☺

            Like

        6. jaishvats says:

          Very valid points there…. We sometimes accept others but can tend to be too hard on ourselves

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I agree with you Jaishvats…Thanks for reading☺☺

            Like

        7. Blog Bucket says:

          felt good to read such a great post..! definitely love yourself and accept yourself, as the way you are!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Yep…we must love ourself the way we are…Thank you for reading blog bucket…Nice name ☺☺

            Like

        8. d123zzz says:

          Thanks for writing this. It was a good read

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you for reading D123zzz….your blog is still under construction? Stopped by and saw that…drop a message when it is running properly so I can read your posts too

            Like

        9. Antoaneta says:

          Sometimes it is difficult to love yourself so much, but you learn to live with it 😛

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Learn to leave with not loving yourself? That to me is a lot stress plus unstable emotions. It’s difficult but it’s a gradual process that will take time and lots of hardwork..but in the end we must love ourself.. Thanks for contributing Antoaneta

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Antoaneta says:

              Learn to live with not always loving ourselves – I mean…sometimesc we know that we aren’t or we don’t do good because of several external factors
              Yeah…it is about understanding that we are humans, not perfect beings and we have many flaws
              This is my opinion
              I am not perfect, I try to change some things about me that I don’t like

              Liked by 1 person

            2. Hi Antoaneta, Thanks for contributing..Making changes that help you become a better person is the same as loving/accepting yourself..
              you make those changes because you have accepted you need to do better for yourself. In this article, I listed ‘develop yourself’ as part of the ways embrace ourselves.
              So yes, we are human, we are not perfect, we have our flaws but realising we need to make the necessary changes that help us grow means we desire to be better. ☺☺☺

              Liked by 1 person

        10. noellekelly says:

          I love love love this! It took me around 30 years to get to a good self acceptance level

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi Noellekelly, Thank you for reading. I’m glad that you have achieved self acceptance. Regardless of how long it took, what’s important is that you love yourself totally. Thank you for contributing ☺☺☺

            Like

        11. StephJ says:

          Such an amazing post. I am happy to have come across your blog because you have a similar writing style to myself. It’s nice to read bloggers that share your page passions.

          This post really delivers the message clearly. This is the age that people can be woken up to the power of he self. And in the most loving and positive way. Cheers!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you for the kind words StephJ. I’m glad you liked reading this. I’ll go check your blog too ☺☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

        12. this post made me feel very lighht i have been struggling with self accpetance. This pos helped alot thank you

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi Shantanu, I’m glad this post made you feel lighter. Thank you for reading ☺☺

            Like

        13. Ritu says:

          Great post!
          It took me a while to realise that if I didn’t accept myself for who I was, if I didn’t like myself, no one else should be expected to either!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you for reading Ritu, it might have taken a while but you achieved self acceptance at the end and that what’s

            Liked by 1 person

            1. Ritu says:

              Exactly xx

              Liked by 1 person

          2. Thanks for reading Ritu…it might have taken a while but you achieved self acceptance at the end.. that is what’s important ☺☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

        14. echoesofhervoice says:

          Your advice odd perfect. We first need to love ourself to feel accepted. It’s a difficult thing to do no doubt but we have to keep at it. Thanks for sharing!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. I agree with you Sheerin, we must love ourselves before expecting others to. Thank you for reading ☺☺

            Like

        15. Shirley Corder says:

          Thank you for this post. I especially like the “closure” suggestion. We need to be able to say, “I did it. It’s over. Now let’s move on.” Looking forward to following your posts this month. Build a Better Blog

          Like

        16. Love the idea of “soak it all in”. Self acceptance for me has always been a struggle or I guess a journey I am on. I am getting better as I age “enjoying the package more”! Thanks for good reminders.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi hi….that’s good to know..it’s a continuous process and I’m glad you are enjoying the package….Thank you for reading ☺☺☺

            Like

        17. Shirley Corder says:

          Hi! I wonder what happened to my comment? Let’s try again! I loved this post. The point that made a real impact on me was the need for closure. “Okay, I’ve done it. It’s over. Now let’s move forward.” Great point.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Yaaay…it worked this time…Thank you for reading Shirley…Finding closure is important for moving forward. ☺☺☺

            Like

        18. Em Linthorpe says:

          Self acceptance is always a work in progress for me – and I’m getting better with it every day. This is a wonderful post for me to refer back to, very wise and in-depth.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi Em, Thank you for reading…Self acceptance is definitely a continuous process as we keep facing new barriers each day. I’m glad you like the post. Thank you again ☺☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

        19. Rabz Haq says:

          This is such a powerful article.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thank you for reading Rabz

            Like

        20. Totally agree with everything! Very good post! I really enjoyed reading this!

          Liked by 1 person

        21. Hi Veera, Thank you for reading ☺☺☺

          Like

        22. rosewj says:

          I’m trying to become more accepting of myself so reading this was really interesting and supportive. I like the topics you choose to write about!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Aww..Thanks for the kind words Rosewj…I’m glad this post is helpful. ☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

        23. starrpickle says:

          Great post, I can definitely relate and I’m sure most people can. When you finally do accept yourself, you start living an honest life and the people around you can only benefit from that.
          Thanks!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi Starrpickle…. i agree we have all passed/still passing through this phase..the benefits of self acceptance rubs off on others too not just us..Thank you for contributing☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

        24. Lovely post there. I believe we are blinded by instant gratification hence we seek acceptance on the external from the external.

          I wrote a book on Body Positivity and highlighted that “Loving yourself” is the thing to do. If you fail to love yourself, you’ll fail miserably at self acceptance.

          Your post speaks on similar lines and I loved it.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi Nikita, I’m glad this post interests you and i agree with your contributions. Thank you for reading ☺☺…is there a link for your book on your website?

            Like

        25. Susan Taylor says:

          I have always struggled with acceptance, but I would say I’m lightyears ahead of where i was even 10 years ago. Great post. I look forward to reading more of your writing this month.

          http://clearingspace4joy.wordpress.com

          Liked by 1 person

          1. That’s good to know Susan ☺☺..As long as you notice your progress that’s definitely good. Thank you for reading. I appreciate

            Like

        26. Claire Wong says:

          Great post – self-acceptance is such a massive challenge in a world where we are constantly being told we need to be better. Love your sign off too – I want more blogs to offer me cupcakes!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Awww Claire, Thanks for the kind words..I actually ‘laughed out loud’ at the cupcake comment. Thank you for reading too ☺☺

            Like

        27. chaos-xd says:

          A very self-esteem boosting piece of informative advice! Self acceptance is one of the most important pillars of happiness! 👌

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Hi Chaos-xd, I agree with your comment… it’s good to hear (read) from you too… Thanks for the contribution ☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

        28. jlennidorner says:

          Good post. Great introspection ideas for those struggling with this.

          J — Co-host the #AtoZchallenge, Debut Author Interviewer, Reference and Speculative Fiction Writer
          2017 THEME = Speculative fiction story featuring telepathy.
          http://jlennidornerblog.what-are-they.com

          Like

        29. Very well written. I can genuinely say that acceptance comes from within and whatever everyone else thinks, it doesn’t really matter because you have yourself. Great post and a very important message! 😊

          Like

          1. Hi hi…I agree with you…Thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts☺☺

            Liked by 1 person

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