Happy New Month Fam!!
Yesterday I put up a post on instagram @phaytea with a caption about being excited at ‘start up’, retaining the tempo but knowing you should manage your expectations too. I got the nugde to write about it and so…here you go…
I remember while watching the Big Brother Nigeria Eviction Show some weeks ago, a housemate who was up for eviction said she did not want to go home because the world had nothing to offer her (first mistake). I had not totally ‘processed’ that when another housemate said she always expects the worst from life (it seems we have too many people prophesying negativity).
At the end of the Big Brother Nigeria Show, the winner will be offered Twenty Five Million Naira and some other side attractions including a reasonable fanbase size. Regardless of who wins the reality show, all housemates are exposed to the same spotlight and have the same amount of popularity which can be leveraged on to project their brand or individual business. So why is there so much negativity from someone with such privilege? Why are they not thinking of the best way to utilize the platform if they end up getting evicted?
We have all had moments where we expect so much or so little from a business venture, a friend, a relationship,career and even ourselves. You would think that your expectations should tilt you towards positivity alone right? That is not always the case for everyone.
Our expectations are relative to individual situations and are usually built around past experiences.
If we have been put down a lot of times, it translates into our daily living. We lose confidence in ourselves, we find it hard to believe we can achieve success, it becomes difficult to take a compliment, we listen to so much negativity and unconsciously downplay ourselves.
In the same manner, if we have always had good experiences with a friend or in our business we naturally lean towards having good expectations all the time.
What then happens when the result you expect is not what you get eventually?
Do you bring down a storm or do find ways to re-strategise?
Are you constantly pessimistic or do you remain optimistic even when you clearly see a bad result?
Your answer depends on how well you manage your expectations.
Not a lot of people know how to manage expectations and this is why we sometimes get nervous about uncertainty or react badly to sour news. If we can be in control of our thoughts, it will be easy to avoid a lot of drama that we create because of a feedback we do not like.
The main aim of managing your expectation is to enable you control your thought process and handle feedback appropriately whether it is negative or positive. Here are a few points that can help you manage your expectations:
Establish clear objectives and do not get distracted. Distractions will prevent you from keeping your goal in mind. Be aware of your internal distractions and control them too. When you are focused you can pick the details that are not clearly spelt out. A very tiny mistake which you think can be ignored will interfere with your expectations and put you at risk. Have you watched Flight?
2. Be honest with yourself.
You need to ensure your expectations are realistic. Be very optimistic but realistic as possible. Unrealistic expectations will set you up for disappointment. You cannot expect to be ‘outstanding’ at the end of a presentation, when you barely updated your old slide. You can’t expect a promotion at work when you are continuously missing deadlines. When you ask yourself thought provoking questions, you can retrace your steps and do things right. Having realistic expectations help you accept people’s flaws and yours too.
3. Resist the Fear of Failure.
…..and everything that comes with it. Doubt, anxiety, unhealthy anticipation. All this can stop you from being sane. Be relaxed about your expectations. This will not be easy but you need to try. Giving in to fear can make you stop a project abruptly without reaching completion stage. Be in control of your emotions so you can be calm. You need to be healthy to handle situations as well.
4. Do not make assumptions.
This is the most dangerous thing anyone can dwell on. It is not safe to base your expectations on assumptions. Communicate and request for feedback, then you can evaluate your progress to know if you are are doing well or not. Do not assume everyone thinks the same way as you do or expect they can see through you. Have an open mind but avoid assumptions, do a follow up, give clear timelines, give clear signals and ask questions early enough so that you can make changes if it is required.
5. Avoid Negativity.
I like to talk about self-love a lot as it aims at ensuring your state of mind is peaceful. A peaceful state of mind is greatly determined by how well you manage your expectation of people or a situation. Stay away from things that can get you agitated. When you avoid negativity, you are able to speak positively and think clearly.
6. Find alternative ways to achieve positive results.
If you are eventually stuck in a dire situation, just take some minutes to breath. Getting bad news is absolutely ‘normal’ as people will not always behave the way you expect them to. Go back to the drawing board and re-strategise. Find alternative ways to achieve your goals. You should always have a plan B.
When you can manage your expectations, you are more in control of your processes, you are less stressed and you can transition very quickly just incase you need to re-strategise.
If you find yourself extra confident and always achieving success, keep up the tempo but ensure you do not throw caution to the wind. Be aware of your emotions and always be proactive so you can prevent bad reactions.
Are there times when you expect so much from a friend or business then get disappointed?
How did you handle the situation?
Love, Peace and Cupcakes